


Today I've Lost You

by lottielovebuzz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Character Death, M/M, Soul Bond, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 22:52:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1566950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lottielovebuzz/pseuds/lottielovebuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel reaches out and strokes a hand tenderly down Dean's cheek. The skin is cold underneath his sensitive pads, and he can't help the shiver that runs through him.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>You'll be okay, Cas.</i></p><p> </p><p>Castiel's eyes shoot up and lock on Dean's, taking in the gorgeous green colour iris, finding himself breathless at the sight, just like he was all those years ago. The whites of his eyes are tinted red, and they're watery and glazed over. Cas reaches up and brushes his thumb under them, wiping away some of the wetness, but it does nothing to help the haziness; the look that Dean can't really focus his gaze.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Today I've Lost You

**Author's Note:**

> for a prompt on tumblr. soulmates can communicate with each other telepathically and feel the other's emotions; when they die, the other ends up colourblind.

Castiel reaches out and strokes a hand tenderly down Dean's cheek. The skin is cold underneath his sensitive pads, and he can't help the shiver that runs through him.

 _You'll be okay, Cas_. 

Castiel's eyes shoot up and lock on Dean's, taking in the gorgeous green colour iris, finding himself breathless at the sight, just like he was all those years ago. The whites of his eyes are tinted red, and they're watery and glazed over. Cas reaches up and brushes his thumb under them, wiping away some of the wetness, but it does nothing to help the haziness; the look that Dean can't really focus his gaze. 

It's too hard for him to speak, but he doesn't need to, not with Cas. 

Cas gives him what he hopes is a reassuring smile, but he knows that he fails miserably. 

'How can I be okay, Dean? How can I be okay with life without you by my side?' Cas questions, not really expecting an answer; knowing there is no answer. He could go on, he will for Dean's sake, but he knows he'll never be whole again; knows he'll never be that _happy_ again. 

_You will be, Cas. I know you. You'll go on; you're strong like that, babe. Stronger than me._

Cas huffs out a laugh, because of course that'd be Dean's words as he lies on his deathbed. That Cas was strong and he wasn't. 

'What have I told you about that?' Cas chides, moving his free hand to take Dean's, closing his palm around the back of Dean's hand, and trying not to choke on a sob when he feels just how _frozen_ Dean's hand is. 'You're just a strong you think I am; stronger even.' 

_If that's the case, I wouldn't be lying here dying, Cas._

'Dean!' Cas' voice comes out harsher than he intended, and it's shown by the sharp vibe that runs through his body, mirroring Dean's fright from the sheer force from his soulmate's voice. 'I… I'm sorry, Dean.' 

_My fault. It's just… being this frail, everything is a threat to my instincts now._

'Dean, don't… I can't lose you.' Cas' voice is broken when he speaks, and he's not surprised when he feels warmth spread through him; feels as if there's arms on his back and a body pressing against him, enveloping him in love and care. It's just what Dean would do whenever Cas was feeling scared or down; he'd hold him and hold him and only let go when he _knew_ Cas felt better.

Now, when he can't move from his bed, he's letting their connection do it for him. It's not as special; it doesn't work as well as it normally would, and Cas can't decide if it's because he knows that it's not really Dean's arms around him, or because he remembers _why_ Dean can't actually hold him.

_You'll be fine, Cas._

The voice in his head is softer, fainter than before and Cas knows what it means; knows that if their connection is growing weaker, then Dean must be growing weaker also. 

He tightens his hold on Dean's hand, standing from his chair and leaning over his soulmate's face. Their foreheads meet, and Cas lets out a shaky breath. 

'You can't leave me, Dean, you can't.' Cas' breath is warm against Dean's skin, and he feels a faint shiver run through Dean, but it's even fainter than before. 'No, no, no, no, don't leave me, Dean. Don't…' 

_I love you, Castiel._

The first tear falls then, and it lands with a dull thud on Dean's nose. Cas moves his hand that's not holding onto Dean's like a lifeline, and wipes it away, unsure if he murmurs a sorry or not.

_I love you… Castiel._

The sound is much weaker again and Cas chokes on a sob this time, unable to stop himself. 

'Dean, you can't leave me.' 

_I…_

'Dean.' 

_Love…_

'Don't leave me.' 

Cas almost expects the "you" to follow immediately, and when it doesn't, he whispers, 'Dean?' 

No reply comes and suddenly the floodgates break, and Cas can't seem to hold himself up anymore. He collapses on top of Dean, burying his face in the crook of Dean's cold neck, pressing his nose into the long muscle that Cas used to love to bite and he closes his eyes as he lets the tears fall free.

He's not sure how long he sits there, holding on to Dean for dear life, not strong enough to sit up or even _think_ about sitting up, because he's gone. Dean is gone, and he's lost. He doesn't know how he'll be able to continue on without him there. 

He promised Dean he'd continue on… but now he's here, he's not sure he can. 

He clutches Dean closer, letting out another quiet sob as he thinks of life without Dean; his love, his friend, his soulmate. 

Soon, however, Cas manages to pull himself away from Dean's body, sitting up straight on the edge of Dean's bed, both hands now clasped tightly over Dean's. 

And when he finally reopens his eyes, the colours are gone. He can no longer see Dean's blond hair, can no longer see the green t-shirt he wore that matched his eyes so perfectly. Everything is black and white, and the wonder of colour is gone. 

And Castiel welcomes the change with open arms, for a life filled with brightness is impossible without Dean standing beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


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